Make Me Feel Alive
by Hot elf
Summary: Nathaniel is feeling sad and lonely after Velanna left him. Fortunately Sigrun is there to cheer him up. Written for mnemosyne as part of the Dragon Age Rare Pair Exchange on tumblr. Set in my Rosalyn Cousland universe.
1. Chapter 1

**Make Me Feel Alive**

As quiet as a mouse, Sigrun slipped into the hall. It was dark and empty at this late hour, with everyone else having gone to bed already. She was about to withdraw to her room herself, and all she wanted was to find a book to help her while away another long rainy evening. It had become one of her favourite pastimes, lying curled up beneath the sheets on her narrow cot with an Orlesian romance or one of Brother Genitivi's travelogues.

Caught up in a good book, she could forget how lonely the last months had been, ever since Velanna had left to find her sister. She could stop staring at the empty bed and the few trinkets her friend had left behind. And, if she read until her eyes refused to stay open, maybe she would fall asleep quickly, and there would be no nightmares for once, though that last one was probably too much to hope for.

The walls were lined with bookshelves. Whatever else could be said about the late Arl Howe, he'd assembled quite an impressive library. Or, maybe it hadn't been him. Maybe this was the work of several generations of _aristocrats_. What would she know about it, a Duster from the slums of Orzammar?

Sigrun picked a slim volume and was about to head for the stairs when she noticed the hunched figure sitting near the fireplace, hardly more than a shadow in the dim light. Stepping closer, she recognized the broad shoulders, the braided dark hair, and the characteristic nose. _Nathaniel_.

He had seen her and half turned in his seat to greet her. "Sigrun. I was just about to go up."

_Yeah, sure. _That wasn't what it looked like. His speech was slightly slurred and his posture unusually slouchy. He held a nearly empty wine goblet in his hand.

Sigrun wrinkled her nose. "What's the matter, Nathaniel? Do you need help?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "I'm not too drunk to manage the stairs yet."

"That's not what I meant." A sudden flash of pity made her step closer.

Velanna's departure must have been tough on him, too, maybe even more so than for her. It was hard to tell what exactly the elven mage had felt for him, but there was little doubt that _he_ had been in love. She remembered the way his face had lit up whenever Velanna was around, remembered how he had laughed off her taunts and slowly, ever so slowly, made her see past her hatred of all _shemlen_. Sigrun knew they had slept together, but whatever had been between them obviously hadn't been enough to keep Velanna from leaving.

He hadn't answered her yet, and she carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. "Nathaniel?"

"I'm fine." He sounded a lot more sober, but there was a note of hopelessness in his voice that cut straight into her heart.

"No, you're not." With a sigh, she pulled up a chair and sat down facing him, taking both of his hands into hers. "Tell me. Maybe I can help."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You're such a sweetheart. But, how could you help me? She's gone, and that's all there is to it. I just have to get over it."

Instinctively she gripped his hands harder. "I'm so sorry. I wish-" She broke off, trying to find something meaningful to say. "I miss her, too, you know. I know how you're feeling."

Nathaniel sighed. "It's all I can think of some days. But, it's not just that I miss her, it's-" He broke off.

"What?" Sigrun cocked her head to the side. "I'm listening."

Nathaniel took a deep breath. "Velanna... I really thought we had something. I wanted to be with her, spend my life with her, build something together. And then she-" He choked on a sob, but shook his head angrily and went on, struggling to keep his voice from breaking. "How can I do this, Sigrun? How can I start all over _again_? Where am I supposed to find the strength for this?"

She didn't answer, just ran her thumbs over his wrists in soothing circles, and he swallowed hard. "When I came back here from the Free Marches, I found I had lost everything: my possessions, my family, my future. All I'd ever known, all I'd ever lived for was gone, lost because of my father's crimes. So, I told myself I'd start anew, become a good warden, find someone to share the burden with. And now..." He trailed off, his mouth pressed into a hard, bitter line. "Now I need to pick up the pieces _again_ and try to live without her, and it hurts. It hurts so fucking much!" He bit his lip, clearly ashamed of his outburst. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Sigrun raised a hand and gently wiped a tear off his cheek. "Of course it hurts. And you have every right to be in pain, to grieve, to howl, to cry."

"I've done all that, and more. But what now?" He hadn't pushed her hand away, but he was still tense, the line of his powerful shoulders painfully taut. "How-"

Sigrun shrugged. "You go on living. One day after the other. Some will be harder, but as long as there's life, there's hope." She grinned at him, as a thought occurred to her. "And sometimes even beyond that. I should know. I'm dead, remember?"

That got a real smile out of him. "Symbolically dead," he reminded her. "And really perky for a corpse."

She grinned at him. "That's better. Come on. Cheer up and come back to life!"

* * *

Nathaniel's heart missed a beat at the sight of her smiling face, sweet and bright despite her grim tattoos. He hadn't expected Sigrun, of all people, to take the time to comfort him. After all, he knew very well what she thought of him. A bigheaded nobleman who would never understand her struggles, who could never imagine the squalor she had grown up in.

Suddenly he felt ashamed. Here he was, whining to her about his broken heart, when she had gone through so much worse. "I'm sorry, Sigrun. Maker knows, I shouldn't complain about my petty problems."

"They are not petty." Her face had grown serious again. "Losing someone you love is no small thing."

Nathaniel took a deep breath. "Still, compared to you-" He couldn't even imagine what it must have been like to join the Legion of the Dead. They'd held a funeral for her, she'd told Anders. He felt a shiver down his spine.

Sigrun tapped her feet impatiently. "It's not a competition, Nathaniel." She was still holding one of his hands and now she squeezed it for emphasis. "Pain is pain, and yours is just as real as mine. None of us has it easy and, in all probability, we'll all be dead soon."

"Thanks for the reminder. _That_ is bound to cheer me up!" He made a face but, if he was quite honest, he was feeling a lot better already. No one could remain grumpy for long in Sigrun's company.

She laughed at his words, a clear, genuine laugh, and, once again, he held his breath. How could he have never noticed what a lovely smile she had, what bright blue eyes? _Not to mention those luscious full lips_. He couldn't take his eyes off her while she reached for his glass to put it away. Where had this come from?

Nathaniel wasn't thinking very clearly, but he knew with sudden clarity that he didn't want to waste the moment. Slowly, he extended a hand and let it trail along her tattooed cheek, tracing the pattern with his fingertips. She went very still, her eyes wary, but she didn't protest when he leaned in and brushed his lips softly over hers. It was a brief, shy kiss, but it felt incredibly right, and when he pulled back she smiled at him and held his gaze.

He didn't know what to say, didn't want to break the spell, so he just kept looking at her, drowning in the sea blue of her eyes. And then she laughed again, a low, warm laugh this time, and pulled him in for another kiss, her fingers tangling in his long hair. This second kiss was more intense, and when her lips parted, he greedily pressed his advantage and tasted her mouth, exploring with his tongue until she moaned softly.

"Nathaniel." Her fingertips were massaging his scalp gently, and her eyes looked big and dark. "I think it's time you went to bed."

He ran his hands down her slim back. She felt so good; she smelled so good! On impulse, he drew her into his lap, letting her feel the effect she was having on him. "Come with me."

"Oh!" She sat up straight, her expression still cautious. "Really? Is that what you want? Some fun between the sheets?"

He bit back a laugh. _So very direct._ But that was Sigrun. Everything about her was fresh and simple and easy. _Not at all like Velanna_. Thinking about Velanna was like a kick to the stomach, though. What was he doing?

"I'm sorry, Sigrun." His face grew sober. "I didn't think... This is not fair to you."

Her forehead creased in irritation. "What do you mean? Is this some noble thing I don't understand?"

Nathaniel sighed. "No, it isn't. It's just... I shouldn't use you to get over Velanna. That's not right. You deserve better."

"Nugshit." Sigrun's voice was clear and determined. "That's not what this is about at all." She shook her head vigorously. "Look, I know you're not in love with me. I'm not in love with you either. At least, I don't think I am," she amended after a brief pause. "But, we're friends, aren't we?"

When he nodded, she gave him an amicable nudge. "So, what's wrong with two friends sharing a little warmth and pleasure on a cold night?" Running a hand up his jerkin, she winked at him. "Take it from one who knows. There's really no better way to feel alive."

He opened his mouth to contradict her, but found that he really didn't want to.

Sigrun grinned happily at his stunned expression. "Your room or mine?"

* * *

_Hugs and thanks to suilven for an emergency beta job!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Yours." The hoarseness in Nathaniel's voice did strange things to her insides.

Sigrun jumped to her feet, suddenly very impatient. _Better get going before he has a chance to overthink things._

Taking his hand, she gave him her most dazzling smile. "Come on, then. This should be exciting!"

Nathaniel chuckled dryly as he followed her up the stairs. "You think? Let's hope I don't disappoint you."

She looked back over her shoulder, trying to read his mood. "You can't. I've never been with a human before."

His face turned funny for a moment, and she wondered whether this had been a stupid thing to say. It was true, though, and she was actually really curious. According to everything she knew, they should be... compatible, but she couldn't help but wonder what he looked like under those tight leather pants, and how he would compare to the dwarves she'd been with.

"Well, we're even then." He had regained his composure, and his tone was light. "I've never been with a dwarf either."

They had reached her room and she quickly glanced around, steering him towards her own bed. As she had feared, his eyes fell on Velanna's empty cot as soon as he sat down, and he sighed briefly. Before he had time to change his mind, she moved to straddle him and press another kiss to his lips.

He seemed surprised, but he responded eagerly, running his hands all over her back while he kissed her deeply. Once more, a pleasant tingle spread in her belly and her breasts thrummed with desire. Nathaniel wasn't unaffected either. He hummed softly as his lips trailed down her neck, and when she pressed a hand to his chest, she could feel his heart beating wildly.

"Too many clothes." Her voice sounded strange to herself, rough and full of longing.

"Agreed." He reached for the laces of her shirt and untied them, one by one, placing kisses on every inch of skin that became visible.

His lips were warm and soft, but she was too impatient for this. Pushing him back, she grabbed the hem and yanked the shirt over her head. Without looking at him, she quickly took off her breastband, pausing when she heard him gasp. Suddenly, she felt self-conscious. What if he didn't like her breasts? They were on the small side, but they were firm and high, and none of her lovers had ever complained. Still, most human women she knew were a lot... curvier.

She needn't have worried. There was nothing but sincere appreciation in his eyes as he reached out for her and carefully cupped one breast in his hand. He was gentle, and she was glad of it. Sigrun had never enjoyed having her nipples handled roughly; pinched and tugged and bitten. She preferred a much softer approach and, when he bent down to circle them lightly with his tongue, she was only too eager to let him know he was doing it right.

His own shirt came off next, and she ran her hands approvingly over his wide chest, then down to his taut stomach. He leaned into her touch, visibly savouring it, his eyes heavily lidded with pleasure. Plucking up her courage, she palmed the bulge in his pants with enough pressure to make him feel it through the leather. He hissed sharply at her touch, but he didn't object. She ran an experimental hand up and down. Ancestors, he was a decent size, and then some!

For a moment she was uncertain how to proceed, but then he lifted her off his lap and turned with her to put her down on the bed. He seemed to be well over his initial inhibitions by now, and there was no hesitation in his demeanour as he unlaced her pants and pulled them down. When she arched an eyebrow toward his crotch, he grinned and took off his own breeches. Their smalls followed suit, leaving them both naked. Sigrun had resolved not to stare too obviously but, once again, her curiosity got the better of her.

Nathaniel stretched out next to her with an amused smile. "Well? Have you looked your fill?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. But I will stop if it bothers you."

"It doesn't. Take your time." He grew serious, taking her hand and pulling it up to his lips, breathing a kiss on her knuckles.

It was an oddly courteous gesture, and it made her blush. "Thank you. I guess. You're quite a pleasant sight, you know."

* * *

Nathaniel was surprised at how sincerely happy her compliment made him. And it was easy to return it. "You are very nice to look at yourself."

He let his eyes roam freely down her trim, taut body, lingering lovingly on her wide hips and the dark triangle of hair between her thighs. The urge to taste her suddenly became almost overwhelming. It must have shown on his face, because she laughed softly.

"Had enough of taking it slow?" She sat up and in one fluid motion bent down to lick a long, firm stripe along his cock, making him gasp in shock. "Me, too."

She winked up at him and repeated the action, but this time he was prepared, and determined not to be outdone. A quick pull on her legs brought her into his reach, though he had to curl up to be able to place his head on her thighs. But it was worth it, more than worth it, for the little helpless noises she made when his tongue parted her folds and delved deep inside her.

_Maker, it has been too long!_ The taste and scent of her, combined with the quick flicks of her tongue against his cock, nearly made him come undone far too early. Taking deep breaths, he recited the names of all known Divines since the foundation of the Chantry in his head. His tutor had been a stickler for learning things by heart, and the thought of the old man's sour face was very helpful in keeping his arousal in check.

Yet, judging from the way Sigrun was arching against his mouth, there was no need to wait much longer. When her sighs turned into long, drawn-out moans, he decided it was time.

Letting go of her legs, he turned and pulled her into a long kiss. "I want you. Now." As soon as their lips parted, he breathed the words against her cheek, smiling when she shuddered briefly.

"Then what are you waiting for?" She looked adorable, all flushed, her lips pink and swollen; her eyes almost feverish.

He kissed her again before he answered. "Your... consent, I guess. How do you want to do this?"

Sigrun rolled her eyes. "I _consented_ fairly thoroughly, don't you think?" Still, he could see she was secretly pleased. "On your back. I need to make sure you don't smother me."

Nathaniel grinned, but he lay back willingly, pulling her on top of him. He didn't mind. In his experience, this was a good position for the first time with a new partner, as it left the tempo of the coupling up to the woman. Plus, he enjoyed the view.

He had thought himself too jaded to make a big deal of this but, when Sigrun lowered herself down on him, taking him in deep, her heat snug and tight around his cock, there was a curious flutter in his stomach. She felt good, more than good, but that wasn't all. Meeting her gaze, he lost himself in her eyes, unable to look away or to break the spell.

Here they were, as closely joined as any two people could be, and it felt _right_. He almost hoped she would never start to move, knowing it would take them far too soon to the point where they would have to part again.

"Sigrun." He cupped her cheek with one hand, tracing the pattern of her tattoos. "You are..." None of the words he could think of seemed adequate.

She smiled at him and rolled those lovely wide hips in a perfect smooth motion and he lost all capacity for coherent speech. _Maker!_ Before he knew it, he was thrusting up underneath her, eager for more friction, more heat, more of her. Some small part of him was embarrassed at the noises he made as he struggled to hold back just a little longer, only a few moments, but there was no way he could restrain himself any more. He almost blacked out when he came, shaking with the sheer intensity of it.

When he had gathered his wits enough to meet Sigrun's gaze, she was looking at him fondly, almost indulgently. "Good?"

"More than good." Every nerve in his body was tingling. She'd been right. He hadn't felt so alive in months.

He pulled her into another kiss, running his hand down her stomach to where their bodies were still joined. Very slowly, he ran a finger through her damp curls until he found what he was looking for. She shuddered violently and he did his best to not touch her directly, guessing that it would be too much. But he wanted her to come with him still inside her, so he kept up his soft, careful caresses until she cried out sharply, her face contorting with lust; her body clenching so tightly around him that he slipped out of her. He held her until the shaking subsided, pressing soft kisses into her hair.

"Thank you," she muttered, hiding her face against his chest.

"No, thank _you_." Gently, he took hold of her chin and made her look at him. "Thank you so much, Sigrun."

"Will you stay the night?" She yawned widely. "I know the bed is narrow, but I promise not to hog the blanket."

He pretended to ponder her question, but he had a hard time hiding his happy smile. "I don't know. Promise you'll keep me warm?"

"Oh, I will." Sigrun grinned back at him. "By any means necessary."

* * *

_More hugs and thanks to suilven. You rock!_


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